62. May 11th, 2010 Picture.

Tuesday was not good to me.  I was in a bad mood from the start and nothing seemed to be going right.  I had that sick, anxious feeling all day, and although not sad, I teetered on the verge of tears more than once.  I didn't want to be at work, I didn't want to be home, I just didn't want to be anywhere.  It was a day that I would have loved to drink a bottle of wine and gone to bed, only to wake up when everything was nice again.  I told Ratty at one point that I wanted to drink my feelings, but that would most likely result in alcohol poisoning, and he advised me not to.  Smart guy.

There wasn't one thing that didn't go right, it was just a mess of a lot of things that when stacked on top of each other equaled a bad day.  I was annoyed with anyone I talked to and just couldn't shake my blah feeling.  I decided that I needed to do something good for me, and went to pilates after work. I'm driving along to my appointment, trying to push all my negative feelings away and just focus on all the great things in my life.  I'm sitting at a red light, minding my own business when BOOM, I get rear ended.  YES!  I got rear ended on the horriblest of Tuesdays.  I am pretty sure I looked straight up into the sky and said 'God, what did I do?  I know they say karma is going to get you eventually but I didn't think they meant ALL in the same day!'  The woman was really nice, and there was no damage, so I was able to get right back in my car and zip to pilates.  The class went pretty well, and once finished I decided to pop quickly into Ben Franklins to see what they had.  For those who don't know Ben Franklins is one of those stores that have EVERYTHING!  They have all this craft supplies, fabric, kitchenware, games, toys, beach stuff, home goods, and stationary.  Not kidding when I said everything.  I thought that maybe they'd have drinks, I was parched, and I like poking around so it seemed like a win win.  I found Vitamin Water which obviously, next to coffee and champagne, is one of the greatest beverages ever.  I started looking through the crafts thinking that this would be a perfect time to grab something to keep me busy.  Maybe I could paint something, or knit something, I even debated getting yards of fabric to sew or a paint by numbers.  I have no sewing machine or patterns, so the idea of buying fabric with no real goal is just absurd.  Paint by numbers Amy?  Really?  You're better than that.  I quickly snapped back to reality and knew that I didn't need a sunflower shag hooked rug to make me feel better and decided that Vitamin Water and candy would be enough to climb me out of my deep, dark, woe is me hole.

I got in my car, and immediately started shoving Reese's Peanut Butter cups in my face.  This is what pilates is for, I can eat a Fifth Avenue, which by the way is the BEST candy bar ever, and 20 miniature peanut butter cups and not feel guilty at all.  They're miniature, which means, they don't even really count.  In fact, I DESERVE this candy!  Cut to the scene where I'm in my car inhaling chocolate and now choking back tears while talking to myself, waivering between my life is horrible and get it together.  I'm driving down Storrow Drive with the windows down, trying to sooth myself with some fresh air.  Two of my favorite songs play back to back ('Little Lion Man' by Mumford and Sons and 'Lay Me Down' by The Dirtyheads if you care to look them up) and I'm brought back to a happy place.  The sun is shining, I'm looking out at the Charles, my windows are down, the wind is sucking the negative energy out of my car and life is good.  I get home and decide that as a treat for surviving the day, as if the 2,000 calories of pure sugar I just consumed wasn't enough, I am going to make myself smiley face french fries.  Crispy outside, mashed potato inside.  How can these things NOT make you happy?

I'm very happy to say that when I woke up on Wednesday it was a fresh start.  I am back to my old self and haven't thought about crying since I last heard 'The House That Built Me' by Miranda Lambert yesterday.  Honest to GOD that song makes me bawl like nothing else.  When watching the Country Music Awards last month at Ratty's apartment, Miranda performed that song live and I sobbed silently while Ratty looked up stuff on his Blackberry.  By the time he realized I was drowning in my own tears, it was too late.  He just sat there, looking at me, then looking at the TV, then back at me, trying to figure out when exactly I lost my mind.  He finally mustered up the courage to ask me what the song was about, because he is a guy and wasn't listening to the performance, and I shrugged my shoulders, rolled my eyes and snapped that he wouldn't understand and that he should go back to his world with his cell phone, Facebook and Twitter.  He still has no clue what the song is about and still doesn't understand why I was crying.  Typical.  But in all seriousness, try and listen to that song without shedding a tear, it's IMPOSSIBLE.  Anyway, I'm back on track and have nothing but positive things going for me.  If I do ever get down though, I always remember that my niece Cassie thinks I'm just the coolest gal around, and there isn't much more I need in life than that.